Friday, December 10, 2010



Blueberry, raspberry,
and lemon cream!
Strawberry, apple,
and cherry dream!
Chocolate, rhubarb,
and pumpkin spice!
Lemon merangue?
Sure, I'll have a slice!
Coconut, pecan,
and key lime!
I'd have that any time!
All these pies and more I do love,
but there is one pie I just won't try.
And that's a mucky-muck
ooey-gooey, stinky-pooey...COW PIE!

Friday, December 3, 2010



Louise stuck her nose,
deep in a rose.

Ah...Ah...Ah... she goes.
Oh no! There she blows!

Jeeze Louise!
What a sneeze!

Saturday, October 23, 2010



Comb it over
or slick it back.
Part it down the middle
like a railroad track.

Throw in some gel
or better yet, lard.
Mix it in good
so it's stiff and hard.

Spike it up,
or comb it down.
If it's grey,
dye it black or brown.

Let it fall
over your eyes,
or style it in the dark
for a nice surprise.

You can crimp,
and you can curl,
or wear piggy-tails
like a little girl.

Shave it off
or let it fall out.
If you wanna save it,
rub in oil of trout.

Make a braid
with three long strands.
Fasten it with 
old rubber bands.

Or choose the one
I haven't said.
The classic, easy to style-

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Alice's Palaces

Alice's Palaces

There once was a princess named Alice.
She lived all alone
in her own big palace.

Alice was rich and had a lot.
But was Alice happy?
She was not.

She thought her life a bore
and that happiness meant
having more and more. 

"One palace is not enough!"
said princess Alice
in a greedy huff.

"I need more than just one castle"
complained Alice,
like it was all a great big hassle.

She pulled the rope and made the bell ring.
In came the page
she said, "Fetch me the king."

He came at a very slow speed
and sighed,
"Oh Alice, now what do you need?"

She said, "Listen, dad,
having only one palace
makes me very, very mad."

"I need at least three,
so when are you gonna
build them for me?"

"Dear Alice," said the king,
"will you settle for
a new diamond ring?"

"I won't, and here's why!
I've got more diamonds,
than the jewlery guy!"

"Ok Alice." said the king so bold.
"How about a shiny
brick of gold?"

"No more gold! No! No! No!
I've got more gold
than winters got snow!"

"Alice, I aim to please of course.
How would you like
a pretty new horse?"

"Why a horse you phony!?
I've already got ten-
and a miniature pony!"

"Settle down my little dear.
How about a world tour
that will last a year?"

"Tour shmour, I've seen the planet.
I've made my wish,
now grant it!"

Alice screamed and stomped her feet.
She held her breath
and turned red as a beet.

She bawled and rolled around on the floor.
The king decided
not to take it anymore.

The king had had his fill.
His face got serious
and Alice got still.

On the desk, his fist he pounded.
"That's it Alice,
you are grounded!"

"Oh can't I have another castle please?"
Alice asked now as pleasant
as a spring breeze.

"Not only, no you can't,"
ordered the king.
"No you shan't!"

"Can I at least have a new additon?"
"Ha ha, Alice.
Just keep on wishin'!"

So like Alice, be not.
Just be happy,
with what you've got.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Remedy

The Remedy

I asked the druggist,
if he could please,
offer me,
some old time remedies.

This may sound strange,
but I swear it's true,
This, is what he told me,
I should do:

Onion on my bunion,
port on my wart,
coal on my mole,
tar on my scar,
rocks on my pox,
spit on my zit,
snot on my spot,
soil on my boil,
spores on my sores,
ash on my gash,
pitch on my itch,
springs on my stings,
crab on my scab.

But I still need to ask him,
about another.
I wonder what to use,
on my little brother?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Seashore

The Seashore

When I was five
I was buried alive
down at the sandy beach.

When I was five
I was buried alive
by my older sister "The Peach".

When I was ten
we went to the beach again
and this time I was bigger.

When I was ten
we went to the beach again
and this time I buried my sister.



Shes's sometimes
and Sometimes                 
  a Tattling cur.             
  But aftEr all,                                    
  I do Really love her.            

He's a Big                                      
And at Times,                               
I wanna pusH him from a limb.               
But aftEr all,                               
I do Really love him.       



Pluck it's petals,
when you pick a daisy.
It passes a summer day,
that's hot and lazy.

He loves me...
He loves me not...
He loves me...
He loves me not...

Do this over,
until all the petals are gone,
and you'll know the answer,
from the petal you're on.

He loves me...
He loves me not...
He loves me.
That's what I thought!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Guess What

Guess What

It's got wrinkled baggy skin,
and a great big middle,
a stiff stubbly chin,
usually covered with spittle.

It has huge tree trunk legs,
and big beefy arms,
very poor hygiene,
and is rather short on charms.

It has a loud baritone voice,
along with a shrill whistle.
It's bad tempered and dangerous,
as a poisonous thistle.

It will chase you up and down,
and make you sweat.
You'll learn lessons in pain,
you won't soon forget.

It's a terrifying beast,
and a cruel creature.
Many name's it's been given,
but most call it- Gym teacher!

Apple Sauce

Apple Sauce

If an apple a day,
keeps the doctor away,
will a bowl of apple sauce,
keep away my grumpy boss?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Bath

The Bath

Did you use soap?
The answer is nope.
Did you use shampoo?
No, I didn't want to.
Did you brush with toothpaste?
Ha! Time is one thing I don't waste.
Did you wash with the rag?
No, I'd rather gag.
Did you wash your neck?
Nope, do you wanna check?
What about behind your ears?
I haven't washed there in years.
Did you scrub your back?
Does a cow say "quack"?
How about your hands and elbows?
Nope. Neither one of those.
Did you wash your feet?
No, and neither my seat.
Did you clean between your toes?
Nope, but that's the way it goes.
You were in the tub for over an hour!
Yep, but I sure don't smell like a flower.
Don't you want to be clean?
Why? What do you mean?
Don't you want to impress the girls?
What!? I did do this for the girls.
You'll never get a girl bathing that way!
I know, I want all the girls to stay away!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Butter Fingers

Butter Fingers

I put butter on my bread,
I put butter on my biscuit,
I put butter on my toast,
because that's the way I fix it.

I put butter on my scone,
I put butter on my muffin.
Is anything better than butter?
Oh no, there ain't nothin'!

I put butter on my bagel,
I put butter on my pancakes.
To make anything better,
a little butter's all it takes.

The stick butter I only spread,
The bottled butter I never squirt.
Oh, there's butter on my finger.
*CHOMP*CRUNCH* Ouch that hurt!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Circus Performer

Circus Performer

Last week the circus came to town,
and I fell in love with the tents,
the clowns, the cotton candy,
and the peanuts for five cents.

I watched all three rings,
with a gleam in my eye,
I had to join the circus-
or at least try.

After the show was all over,
I went and found the ring master.
I told him of my plans,
I don't think my heart could beat any faster.

I told him I had dreams,
he said he could make them real.
He then told me of all the jobs,
before we made a deal.

You could swing high on the trapeze,
with only a thin net below,
and if you don't fall down,
you'll be the star of the show!

You could swallow fire,
and spray it from your mouth,
and if you don't burn up,
you'll be a hit from north to south!

We'll shoot you from the cannon,
but make sure you hit the mat,
we can't make a star out of you,
if right away you go splat!

You can put your head,
in the mouth of a lion,
and if he's not hungry,
you'll be a smash without tryin'!

You can dive from a ladder,
into a shallow tank,
if you make it- you'll be famous,
and have me to thank!

It's not only the acts my boy,
it's the sounds and the sights,
it's the side shows, food,
and the bright spot lights!

So what do you think,
my new found friend?
Join the show of all shows,
and begin the fun that won't end!

This sounds great all right,
but I can't do those stunts.
Do you think I could just clean up-
after the elephants?



If I was a frog
in a muddy bog,
I would find
a hollow log.
I would sit there
with a blank stare,
and bask in the sun
without a care.
Then I would try
to catch a fly.
After I ate it,
I would sit and wonder why.

Friday, September 24, 2010



There's a noise in the house.
Could it be a little mouse?

It's coming from somewhere.
Could it be gramma's rocking chair?

Now it's squeaking even more.
Is it the back screen door?

It's really a strange sound,
and it seems to be following me around.

"AHH!" yells mom. "Your shoes are wet and you've only had them a week!"
"Sorry mom. It's a nice day and I went wading in the creek."

As I ran from mom, I realized it was my shoes making the noise.
I hope that gramma will tell my mom, "Boys will be boys."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Poems and Ribosomes

Poems and Ribosomes

Poems and ribosomes
are both friends of mine.
My poems keep me happy,
ribosomes keep my DNA in line.

Poems don't need to flow
smooth like a snake,
but DNA needs to line up,
or you'll have a big mistake.

Poems can be simple,
or they can be complex.
DNA needs to be exact,
and with that, there's no flex.

Words in a poem,
in order should go.
Same with DNA,
or you'll end up in a freak show.

You could very well wake up,
with a huge nose on your forehead,
two right hands, forty one toes,
and eyes that are fiery red.

You might be eighteen feet tall,
and have a goose neck.
People would all stare and say,
"What the heck?"

So let your poems wander,
or do whatever they please,
but keep your ribosomes straight,
or out of your ear- you just might sneeze!