I've wanted to be a pirate,
for my entire life.
I told my mom,
but she said it would just lead to strife.
"You'd have to cut off a leg,
and wear one of wood.
You wouldn't be able to run,
or play ball very good."
"You'd have to poke out your eye,
and wear a black patch.
You couldn't swing a bat very well,
and forget playing catch."
"You'd need to chop off your hand,
and put on a rusty hook."
You couldn't play football.
You could just stand there and look."
"Then you'd need a smelly parrot,
to ride your shoulder.
And you know you can't have a pet,
until you're much older.
"You'd have to live on a ship,
that was always on the ocean.
And remember how your stomach is,
with any rocking motion?"
"You'd never have to take a bath.
That wouldn't bother you.
But you'd have plenty of enemies,
and your friends would be few."
"Why have you wanted to be a pirate,
for your entire life?"
"Well you see mom,
I just really, really... want to eat with a knife."