Brush, Floss, Swish

Brush, Floss, Swish

Betty Rush,

will not brush.

Johnny Ross,

will not floss.

Timmy Nish,

will not swish.

They all got,

some tooth rot,

and won't smile,

for a while.

Now this is sad,

but it's the truth.

The dentist pulled...

every tooth.

Stuff

Stuff

There's some string in here,
some twist ties and dead batteries,
Scotch tape, rubber bands,
and a bunch of mystery keys.

Here's an old butter knife,
a nail and eight screws,
and look, here's a pamphlet,
for an Alaskan cruise!

There's some pliers in here,
with a needle nose,
a red bush pruner,
and a washer for the hose.

Here's a green pencil,
with it's eraser gone,
a jar with six marbles,
and a black chess pawn.

Right here's a book of matches,
and a rumpled road map,
two thumbtacks, a yellow kazoo,
and a new mouse trap.

There's a candle in here,
to see in the dark,
some leather shoelaces,
and a torn bookmark.

You and I could sit here longer,
and name even more,
but you probably have the same stuff,
in your junk drawer!

Up High

Up High

I'm way up high on the top,

and the down slope is steep.

I fear if I slip, 

I will end below in a heap.

All the way up,

I was afraid of the climb.

Now there's no more turning back.

This is the time.

I hold on tight,

and sit right down,

then think of "Jack",

who broke his crown.

The summer breeze,

whistles in my ears.

I close my eyes,

and suppress my fears.

Now the ones behind,

start to shove.

I release my grip,

and zip from above.

I scream all the way down,

with my mouth open wide.

I hit the ground and race back.

Wow, I love this slide!

Dirty Gertie

Dirty Gertie

This is the story,

of a girl named Gertie,

and let me tell you,

that girl was dirty!

Her shoes were so full of dirt,

her feet barely fit.

Her pants were so stiff,

she couldn't bend to sit.

She would just stand there,

or lie right down.

She wouldn't bathe,

'cause she thought she'd drown. 

Her shirt was so filthy,

you couldn't tell what color it was,

and her hair was really tangled,

and full of moldy fuzz.

Not only was she dirty,

Gert really stunk,

she was often mistaken,

for a waterlogged skunk.

She would never wash up,

for lunch or dinner.

If she scrubbed her dirt off,

she'd be much thinner.

On the back of her neck,

there grew a flower.

It had been there months,

remember, Gert didn't shower.

It goes without saying,

that to her mother this was a pain.

But her mother solved the problem...

she left Gert out in the rain!

Bacon

Bacon

Heat, meat, heat.

Sizzle, gristle, sizzle.

Splat, fat, splat.

Wanna help?

I'm makin' bacon.

The Leprechaun

The Leprechaun

They say that all the luck,

is with the Irish,

so I went to Ireland,

to make a wish.

I went and asked a local man

how to do it.

He said, "Catch a leprechaun,

there's nothin' to it!"

I asked about finding

a four-leaf clover.

He said, "Oh no,

that fad's over."

Then I asked him

about the Blarney Stone.

He told me that myth

had long been outgrown.

I wondered where to find one.

"Are they on the map?"

"Oh no, you've got to build

a leprechaun trap."

I asked him if he could help,

he told me that he could,

we'd need rope, whiskey

a carrot and a pile of wood.

I went off

to get all of the stuff,

while the man took out

his pipe to puff.

I hurried back

with every little thing,

then he said

we'd also need my gold ring.

And then all of the rope,

he had me coil out,

put the carrot in the middle,

and then made me shout.

"To all the leprechauns,

in this great green land,

behold I give you

this gold ring from my hand."

I slipped the ring,

over the carrot root,

then made three circles around it

with my leather boot.

I surrounded it with some wood,

I'd got from a tree,

I went to pour on the whiskey,

he said, "Whoa, that's for me!"

I handed him the jug,

he took a great big swaller.

I asked what was next,

he gave me some words to holler.

After I shouted the magic words,

the leprechaun would appear.

I'd then jump in the pile,

and nab him by the ear!

I then shouted out,

with all my might,

the secret words,

as day turned to night.

"All hail the little people,

who are meek but wise,

they can appear to you,

in any disguise."

"They might show up

as a cat or sparrow,

they are sly and swift

as a flying arrow."

"They are keen and smart,

the brightest on the planet.

Come out now and please,

take my wish- and grant it."

I dove on the pile,
but a leprechaun there was not.
All the wood fell in on me,
and in the snare I was caught!

I felt the carrot,
the ring was gone!
And upon the pile,
the man jumped on!

He sang out loud with much glee,
"You've fallen for my curse!"
My ring gleamed on his finger,
and he had my coin purse.

He did a little jig
and he drank from the jug,
"Remember, my boy,
leprechaun's lie like a rug!"

I watched him dance away,
and on this you can bet,
my fondest wish was...
that we had never met.

Officer 55

Officer 55

Late in the night,

when the streets get dark,

the alley cats yowl,

and the stray dogs bark.

In the dark

there's much to fear.

There's danger lurking,

and trouble is here!

Behind the drugstore,

someone is breaking in!

The cop gets the call,

and makes his tires spin!

With lights flashing,

and siren blaring,

it's Officer 55!

He's oh so daring!

He jumps out of the car

and pulls his gun!

"Reach for the sky, pal!

Your day is done!"

"Oh, Officer 55,

you gave me quite a fright!

It's me, Pete the druggist,

locking up for the night."

"Well I knew that.

I was just seeing if you did.

Lock up tight,

and take good care, kid."

"Hurry, Officer 55!"

a man did shout.

"Come here quick,

we've had a break out!"

With siren blaring,

and lights flashing,

It's Officer 55!

He's oh so dashing!

He jumps out of the car,

and pulls his gun!

"Quick, Dick the vet!

Which way did he run!?"

"That bad, bad dog,

is a terrible beast!

I knew I should have

kept him better leashed!"

Well, even though

it wasn't on his beat,

Officer 55,

caught him with a dog treat.

A neighbor called the police,

about trouble at the school.

The cop hit the gas,

he didn't want a broken rule.

The lights flashed,

and the siren did scream,

it's Officer 55!

Oh, he's such a dream!

He jumps out of the car,

and pulls his gun,

Then hollers out loud,

"Get off the roof, son!"

The boy, way up high on the roof,

came climbing right down.

"Why were you up there?"

"Well, there's nothin' to do in this town."

"Well, from the law,

we just can't budge.

Please state your case,

to the city judge."

The policeman
had just one more mission,
before he could go home,
then go out fishin'.

With siren blaring,
and lights flashing,
it's Officer 55!
He's oh so smashing!

He slams on the brakes,
and jumps out of the car!
He goes in the store...
and buys a maple bar.

So sleep well at night,
and know you're alive,
all because of our friend...
Officer 55!