The Happy Hippy

The Happy Hippy

This is the ballad

of  the happy hippy,

who now leads a life

that's not so trippy.

He's traded in his

hemp shoes and socks,

for his weekend pair

of Birkenstocks.

His V.W. bus

is long put away.

He drives a "green" Subaru now,

day after day.

And that really bright

spotted tie dye?

He's traded that in

for suit and tie.

As for the round wire

John Lennon glasses.

He's got contacts now

and joined the masses.

His hair was once

a long pony tail,

but it's trimmed monthly now

without fail.

He never left home

without his colorful beads,

now it's his PDA

and cell phone that he needs.

All the Beatles music

he does still applaud,

but no longer vinyl

it's on his ipod.

It's ballroom now

not the disco dance,

and Tommy slacks

not bell-bottom pants.

And the handkerchief headband

is long long gone.

It's a visor now

when he gets his golf game on.

Yes, times have certainly changed

and with that he's fine.

He still says "goodbye"

and flashes the peace sign.



The Drive

The Drive

At all cost,

hope the keys are lost.

Lock the doors,

and sweat from your pores.

Buckle your belt,

to avoid bruise and welt.

Tighten your grip,

as your heart starts to skip.

Try not to shout,

as she backs the car out.

You'll turn white as a sheet,

when she starts down the street.

Of something else she's thinking,

and her blinkers sure not blinking.

As your blood rushes,

the gas pedal she crushes.

Will you meet your fate?

She's on the interstate.

Your blood pressure begins to rise,

as down the highway she flies.

The exit's ahead,

slow down or we're dead.

You have a fright,

as she runs a red light.

You're finally at the store,

you just can't take it anymore.

She cruises the lot,

looking for a spot.

"There's one!" she shout's with a grin.

She punches it and whips right in.

Hit the brakes,

for pity sakes!

Grandma's at the wheel!

Bait

Bait

You can use a small dry fly,

on a number two hook.

With good casting,

you can hit any hole in the brook.

A shiny new lure,

works great in a pond.

Of the red stripey ones,

I am rather fond.

Use a grasshopper,

when you're out on the lake.

If you're scared of a live one,

use one that's fake.

For deep sea fishing,

you use something called chum.

If you don't catch anything,

do not eat some.

A friend once claimed,

good luck with some Limburger cheese.

All I could say to that was,

"Oh for give me a please!"

But I have found,

all fish love to swaller,

a great big, fat and juicy-

night crawler!

Tool

Tool

It'll scrape old gum,

off the bottom of your shoe.

Oh, but that's not the only,

thing it will do.

It's a nice little screwdriver,

and can hammer small nails.

It's also great for digging out dirt,

under fingernails.

You can use it to pry,

off most any lid.

It's good for stirring mud-

just ask any kid.

I've used one several times,

to chip up ice,

and a banana's,

easy for it to slice.

Some people have used them,

to pick open locks,

And I always keep one,

in my tackle box.

I don't know how,

I'd live my life,

without having access-

to a butter knife!

Breakfast

Breakfast

It's a light golden brown,

and it's kind of sticky.

Keeping it off your chin,

is kinda tricky.

It's really rich and thick,

with a nice sweet flavor,

I keep some on my fingers,

for an afternoon snack to savor.

Pour it on your pancakes,

waffles or mashed potatoes,

but never, ever waste it,

on stewed tomatoes.

It's good in oatmeal,

and if you have grits you'll need it.

Pour a lot in your bowl,

so you can actually eat it!

On thing I learned is,

keep it out of your hair,

or you'll have to take a bath,

and wash everywhere.

So just as sure,

as a saddle has a stirrup,

for my breakfast,

I'm having maple syrup!

Brush, Floss, Swish

Brush, Floss, Swish

Betty Rush,

will not brush.

Johnny Ross,

will not floss.

Timmy Nish,

will not swish.

They all got,

some tooth rot,

and won't smile,

for a while.

Now this is sad,

but it's the truth.

The dentist pulled...

every tooth.

Stuff

Stuff

There's some string in here,
some twist ties and dead batteries,
Scotch tape, rubber bands,
and a bunch of mystery keys.

Here's an old butter knife,
a nail and eight screws,
and look, here's a pamphlet,
for an Alaskan cruise!

There's some pliers in here,
with a needle nose,
a red bush pruner,
and a washer for the hose.

Here's a green pencil,
with it's eraser gone,
a jar with six marbles,
and a black chess pawn.

Right here's a book of matches,
and a rumpled road map,
two thumbtacks, a yellow kazoo,
and a new mouse trap.

There's a candle in here,
to see in the dark,
some leather shoelaces,
and a torn bookmark.

You and I could sit here longer,
and name even more,
but you probably have the same stuff,
in your junk drawer!